This sucks!

When I got to the daycare today to nurse the baby at lunch, he was sitting in a swing screaming next to another equally unhappy baby. The teacher was busy giving a bottle to a different baby, and couldn’t attend to the two crying babies. I almost picked him up and walked out.

I quickly got him out of the swing, and started nursing him as soon as possible; and while he was eating he continued to shudder as he calmed down. I was fighting tears myself at this point, trying to remember why I was working. I think we have a good day care, but no one can take care of my baby like I would. I am not saying that he would never cry if I was home with him, but I can say that he would never be sitting in a swing screaming from hunger.

He is not a fussy baby, so to get to that point he must have been really hungry, I feel so guilty right now. I go nurse him instead of leaving a bottle for him for several reasons, and I think it is the best thing for him, but timing my lunch is tricky. Sometimes I get there and he is in the middle of a nap, so I have to wake him up (which sucks!) and sometimes he is awake and hungry like today, either way is not what I want to happen. But today, even if I left a bottle at lunch instead of nursing, he still would have had to wait until the teacher was done with the other baby.

I am trying to remind myself that I need to work to 1) pay off debt, 2) allow us to save some, 3) allow us to eat meat more often, 4) allow us to have the money to travel out of town for things like my brother’s graduation later this month. I know that this doesn’t happen everyday, and that he wasn’t harmed by the crying fit he had today, but I am having trouble believing that any of this is important right now.

Worn out

I am so tired, it is days like this that make me contemplate just not going into work-ever again. I am up to pumping 3 times a day to get enough milk for baby, and on mornings like this morning that extra 20 min is more than I can handle. Part of the problem this morning may be that I accidentally drank too much wine last night (I am not used to this new low tolerance!), and also the fact that it is Friday. By the time I get to work in the morning I feel like I have already put in a full day's work. This morning the baby woke up at 4 to eat, I put him back to bed around 4:30 and then dozed for an hour until I had to get up.

Most days I work to have a pretty good attitude, but I have been in a funk this week that I can't seem to totally shake. I am looking forward to a weekend at my in laws, a weekend for resting and eating good food and being spoiled!

Also, Blogger is really irritating me, my blog was locked for a couple of weeks because it got labled as a possible spam blog and it took them forever to realize I am a real person.