When I started back to work everyone told me it would get easier as time went on, and maybe 2 months isn't long enough for it to get easier, but it is still HARD. Yesterday while I was nursing him at lunch I was watching one baby cry in his crib because each of the teachers was caring for another baby, and I thought about my baby laying there crying and then I started crying myself. As I cried on my way back to work I questioned once again, whether this is worth it or not.
I think the guilt is one of the hardest things to deal with as a working mom, I feel guilty when I leave him in the morning and I feel guilty when I get into what I am doing at work and don't think about him for minutes at a time. Today I was talking to my boss about future plans for our department and my career specifically and I was getting excited about the opportunities and then had to catch myself and remind myself that my husband and I were just talking about me possibly being able to quit working in a year so that I can stay home with the baby. I don't know what I want! When my job was boring I was miserable because I had so much time to think about the baby and how much I missed him, but now that my job is better I feel a different kind of guilt.
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