And today was one of those days. I don't know if it was because it was a Monday, or what, but today was hard. The baby woke up way too early so I had to entertain him while getting ready, so by the time I got us to work and day care I felt like I had already put in a full days work. I knew that the baby would have a rough day, since he hasn't been napping at school lately and with getting up 2 hours earlier than usual would make him even more tired. I was right, he screamed all the way home because he was tired and hungry and he was fussy until I nursed him and put him down. I hate days like this because it cuts short the little time we do have with him, and he is not in a good mood when we are with him. It makes me feel like we are hurting him by having me work.
We are debating changing childcare providers and weighing the pros and cons of a day care establishment vs. a home day care situation and along with all this comes the feeling that whatever we choose is a 2nd (or 3rd) choice, and again I am faced with the fact that no one is going to take care of him like I would. It is a little depressing, I don't want anyone to take care of him, I want to do it! Today was one of those days when I felt like just walking out, I just wanted to take the baby and go home and not come back.
Work has been frustrating lately, and I know that is part of why I have been so down lately, I feel like it is totally not worth leaving my baby for 8 hours a day. I don't want a lot, I don't want to drive the Porche SUV I saw in the day care line today, I don't care about wearing designer clothes, I just want enough money to pay our bills on one income with just a little left over! I realize when I started this blog it was to deal with my mixed feelings about going back to work, but they aren't so mixed anymore. The downsides of working and having the baby in day care only get worse the older he gets.
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